"Mamma whats porn?" asks my seven year old son. Its 31 dec, 2999. New years eve. And im getting ready to welcome the new millennium .
"Where in hell did u find that relic?"
i ask, i am slightly taken Aback.
I knew i would have to hav the talk sooner or later but i ddnt think it wud end up in 'sooner'
"New year eve and The tv is chronicling the important things that happened in the last 1000 years, and other than how we indians edged out us and china to number one spot, it said we were also the ones who started the 'porn revolution' So whats porn?!
I sigh as i look at my cute innocent baby!
Its a word that exists only in the dictionary dear!i start, but Let me begin from the beginning.
Initially, Cave men worked hard outdoors physically, to bring the food home, and banged their women for children, which was borne and reared by these women. It worked well, till men invented machines to do their physical work, a direct result of which women started going out too, as brute strength was no longer needed to earn the bread
Then the men went ahead and learnt to preserve their sperms.
Now the women no longer needed men to give birth.
If u ask me i wood say, their goose was cooked right there and then. Though of course, it took many more years to reach there
In the meanwhile men also got so lazy that instead of banging their women, they started to let others do it for them. Ie they learnt to watch others do it. And enjoyed that.
On film. That was called porn.
Oh u mean its just a movie?
Yes i chortle. Actually just a short movie.
The movies started simply! A single couple, then mixed doubles and later to orgies and rape porns so on and so forth till it reached to watching children having sex too.
Thats when somebody decided to ban porn.
" Oh" sonsy eyes grow wide. Then?
But the ban ddnt end anything, i tell him...... as the crimes against children and women ddnt really stop, Somewhere about 200 years later, some indian govt got a bright idea that the best way to stop sexual abuse was to castrate men. All men. Of all ages. It was called the 'na rahe baas na baje basuri' scheme. it was decided that this was the only lasting solution to stop men from behaving like animals Since they had any way outlived the real use of their penis and testertones too. And anyways the sperm banks were always there for progeny.
Initially men resisted, but sooner or later, one by one, they were all done in!
Now a days, in fact, its a quick easy process done the minute a male child is born. Two nips. One the umblical cord and the other the u know what.
And i must add the world indeed became a better place!
Now im speaking more to myself than to him!
No more testertone, no more rapes, no more child porn, no more wars, nothing negative in fact!
And men because they had nothing to do learnt to communicate with women the way women wanted them too. That is Emotionally!
And since india was a super power by then it ddnt take long for the whole world to follow suit
So now u know what porn is.
I conclude loudly ending my little speech.
But somewhere in the middle of our talk my sweet little kid had fallen fast asleep.
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