mood swings

And then there are some tiring tedious moments, lurking in some days, when nothing, absolutely nothing works.

You feel lonely, In a crowd, In a bus or a train or even a lift filled with people. In a room filled with 'friends'.
You have exhausted the mandatory 7000 words, but the heart is vacant. Alienated alone. All alone.

Mainly because the heart still feels empty. It wants to feel something.....something strong, something moving, as in something not static, like something hmmm something blooming, something vibrantly alive!

Or Someone who makes you feel. Feel all that, or at least some of it. Some one who makes u feel as if you belong, who makes u feel wanted in the world's scheme of things. Someone who makes you feel camouflaged, safely hidden, harmoniously blended, all things miraculously in place.

Some one who reminds you that you are not a sore thumb!

And then sometimes, breaks the bad spell!

At times, its just a familiar smile or look from a stranger, other times a rude awakening by daily trivia, but it pulls back to routine, and sometimes makes you feel replenished all over again.

At well at least Till the next bout!

And then there are those other moments in other days, which ordinarily should be have been as drudgery, but surprisingly are not.

The break in sleep the previous night, which cause a ten minute delay in all aspects of the morning, which then translates to ten minutes late, every where, including the tube train which forces you to take an un regular, more crowded train, and the struggle to wiggle yourself into the sardine tight compartment, with an added worry of protecting a very loose almost, but not fully shed, thumb toenail on the left foot, from being permanently pulled out, through unintentional yet expected trampling, and then you stand waiting thirstily for the ten odd stations to glide by to your work place, as you remember you have forgotten to carry your water bottle, and yet, somewhere the magic begins its work.

You are not sure when it starts rubbing off on you. Is it while you were watching three brown happy tribal teenage girls with their numerous ear piercings (which would have been maddeningly cool in different circumstances ), gaily chattering on the now relatively empty footboard, or the uniformed blue collared employees diligently oiling the railway tracks, in the piercing sun, but u feel a burst of life. Like some new budding leaf still folded tenderly.

Your inner child is suddenly floating free, and she looks empty minded, at the railway tracks, winding and quant, bordered by concreted bricks, imperfect and yet fitting the scene perfectly, the green in the grass, the exact shade it should be, the tiny wild flowers growing around, swaying the exact speed they should be swaying, u feel unfazed by anything, at that moment, not because u r brave, but because there is nothing to feel fazed about,solitude never felt so warmly embracing!

every thing of everything is a perfect part of a perfect whole, and you too are a perfect part of the same perfect whole. And life is beautiful!.