warmth

warmth

there was a time,
long long ago,
heeding warnings from the wise,

when i was afraid to love.

and yet love claimed me,
one empty lonely day,
and i too learnt to play the game of love
with abandon gay.

it was mostly was a guessing game
of he loves me bits, or he loves me whole,
also a game of accumulating scrapes and bruises
on my innocent soul

I learn that love hurts
hurts badly, and how,
I now understood
why the wise had warned against love,

and yet I also wisely understood,
that for all the inherent pain,
love enriched, as no other,
its not all losses, as much as gain.

and years later, on the road of life,
I became the 'wise' one,
I smartly close myself to love,
i dont want to be hurt again.

I prepare my self
for the numerous onslaughts,
of hurts and pains
to be inflicted by the love draughts.

I play a guessing game
of a different kind now,
if before, I loved and thought,
now I cleverly think and love,

I fortify myself
against possible hurts thinkable,
i numb myself, not to care,
enough, to be not vulnerable.

I think i win, as i no longer hurt,
that easily, that soon.
i dont know
i spell my doom.

for all the planning in love,
i come to soulful harm,
i can no longer feel light,
I no longer feel warm.