Don't await fruits.

Don't await fruits.

The gardner has a complaint.
People are plucking flowers. I am ok with that. He quickly adds, but this one woman is even breaking branches. Pls talk to her.

I am amused. Happy amused that is. His crestfallen expression is more close to some reaction to a world turmoil. His love for his job and his creation, awes a part of me.

And his wholesome sorrow to his tended plants being manhandled or rather woman handled, bristles me too, a wee bit.

And the other side then remembers Krishna's injunction, Dont await fruits.

I guess It cannot get more clearer than in a gardener's job

— feeling thoughtful.

mortal remains

precious stone-like cherished memories,
Along with a few withered scattered petals,
and some sharp dried thorns....
Mortal remains Of any love story!

of departures

Not once
did you call me
As i was silently leaving,
Nor did i want
To look behind,
One more time

I wonder if

It is the same sadness
that we are both feeling?

dreams

The other day i entered my grandma's room. She was sleeping on her attakatal ( a swing cum bed) and i went and sat right next to her.

She immediately sat up awake, exclaiming " so u came!"

Right from the time, i remember seeing my grandma, she was a toothless woman. But just now, i observed, she had a full set of shinning white teeth!

Oh, it was just a dream.

Dreams i believe were given to us, to connect with the dead!

When a person dies,
what is lost to us,
is not just the physical presence and all that goes with the person. We also lose the subtle everyday nuances of the loved one. Their body language, their smiles, their voice, even their smell! Things we don't even know have been registered nay etched by the unconscious mind.
And All that is seemingly forever lost, is gained by us, again through the medium of dreams.

Dreams are thus a vehicle that give us a briefest tiny glimpse of a dead person in his full vitality, exactly the way he was when he was alive.

Dreams i am sure are those guardian angels that keep our loved ones still alive for us!

destined?

Its all fate
That leads me
Through difficult paths

Whenever I've loved,
I've always desired
impossibilities

So i lose
Even as i win,
For
What i love
most About you
Is your
free spiritedness!

breakups

Now that I have decided
to part ways,
Therr is Just this One thing
Im not so sure about
what should I do 
with the random accumulated memories?
Do i
secretly bury them
Under the carpet,
Or
dump them unceremoniously
In my backyard?
Perhaps
the musty attic
Is where they deserve to lie,
Playthings for spiders
And darkness for a blanket
Maybe
I should simply
Let them lie around,
So that i can
Mindlessly
walk Over them
again and again
Watching them bite the dust!

One thing
im sure though
They certainly needn't
Adorn my walls anymore!

life?

life?
a door
That Unexpectedly opens
Behind which lies
A Beckoning 
Box of
myriad
Secret treasures
Awaiting Plunderous
Delight

We ransack
As we fill the chest
With exciting colourful stories untold

before the door
shuts once more.

hmm love

Love...

Bottled perfume!

Heady 
Fragrant
More importantly
Finite!

woamans' day

This woman's day
O lord,

teach me
to unlearn 
all that ive
been taught
and
all that ive learnt
on how
to be a good
'woman'

Teach me
Instead
on how
to be a good
human being.

Jab we met

Jab we met!

I hear
a distant strain
of a guitar string
faint
yet clear music
the opaque mind
silenced for once
into an effortless
act of listening.
binding me into
temporary
connections!

and
I feel vibrantly
alive.

cactus

Teary smiles,
Rain-bows,
sorrows and joys,
Anxious hopes,
Secure binds,
Prickly blossoms,
Kaleidoscopic games all !

smile

SMILE

Today is a better day.routine work got itself done without hiccups or any clock watching, I get to leave earlier than usual for the job place.

It gets even more good, as i spot a vacant window seat,courtesy ' reservation of seats for women' in BEST buses. I swiftly ease myself into the seat glancing towards the window.

When all of a sudden, a face in the shining metal of the bus arrests my attention.
Its an expression i had always dreaded in my childhood days.
The look of a tired disgruntled middle aged woman.
The face of my mother.

Hey when did i become this person?

I protest at my expression, another part of me feels guilty, of must having been the cause of her weary expression, and another brainwave reminding me, my son isnt the cause of my tired face and so i shudnt feel guilty either.

I do a quick rewind of the just started day......
woke up warm( not uncomfortable chilled to bone)after a full night sleep, energising early morning walk, a full breakfast, cupa of cheery tea. And a window seat to boot!

So whats the deal girl??

Rewind further, things still are rosy. Enuf money to last the week, before the next pay check, studies chugging along (ok here i wish the stupid brain worked faster, but hey i can live with it), no mountains of pending work at office.

So why is the face being ungrateful?

Is it going to be a over crowded 45 minutes journey on the tube, will the computer 'open' today, is the photocopier going to graciously copy....these are the frowning worries i zero in on.

Relax girl, i tell myself firmly!

lets take it one step at a time.
Right now Enjoy the window seat.
Enjoy the scenery.

And for gods sake  give that face a break.

SMILE.

someday

Someday

Someday
I will be through
With running false races,
And all the paraphelia
That comes with it

through with pursuing 'good life'
The way others define it

When i will no longer  blend, to confirm, to win
to stay ahead of the pack,
So that i remain in loops,

That day,

I will thank the sun
for its wondrous rises,
and its magnificent sets,

look at the  roaring seas
and massive mountains with awe,
And.
The brilliance of the universe
Will stare me in my face,
beacon  me, and share their secrets.

And then
from that day,
Living with gratitude
i will finally learn to love.

It has to happen,
Of that im sure,
Someday!

sunny dais

So sunny leone has been voted the most desirable woman in india, in the TOI contest held yearly, beating my fav dips, to a second place.

I dont know whether to applaud the voters who did not play safe and  refused to not publicly acknowledge a porn star, as their most fav gal!

On the other hand,  i wonder any of the voters are finally giving the oldest profession in the world and ancillary industries a respectability, it warrants -  whether deserved, well deserved, etc not being discussed here- and are now ok with their women folk opting to use the same route to make it to the top spot in the list. (maybe tomorrow be aggressively running after coaching classes like they run to kota today)

Sunny herself says its her bindas 'i dont care' attitude towards life, that got her the hot spot.

What she clearly forgot to mention,  is that, she got to get a crack at the spot in the first place, by doing gazillion ten minute films ( which i like i must add) without a stitch of clothing on her and any kind of inhibitions inside of her.

Which must make deepika and other 'also rans' feel terribly cheated!

Just a general candidate in i dia, must feel when he cant get a crack at a seat which 500 ranked below person easily walks away with, due to diff playing fields.

Different set of rules for the same game, always rankle esp where the stakes are high.

I mean how fair is it that deepika gets clobbered for an arial view of her cleavage, and sunny gets the top spot, inspite of bearing both her breasts, left and right, frontal view, a million times, and both by the same audience.

So indirectly are we telling nay pressurising  our glam babes to go topless and of course bottomless, and more, but not in censor coloured films but on the totally uninhibited,  free, in more than one ways, u tube!

And finally In a country, where khaps kill for intercaste conjugal unions and burn women fpr wearing jeans to study, is it even a real honest
public opinion?

Or just a media sham like rest of their shams! ( nepal anyone)

Whatever, a win is a win and congratulations are definitely in order!

Congrats and encore!

shadows

Why
 am i
always so tired?

"Its the shadows
you fight
all day long,
Shadows
that don't even exist."

de cluttering

The current mantra is De cluttering!

Starting with all the old beauty tubes which must have about three days squeeze left, and those un used shampoo shaches  u tend to over buy for a small  journey!

And all clothes not worn for more than 24 months!

And ALL books in the attic!

 Challenging the the mind to declutter the house too!